Welp...I just made the ballsiest move I am humanly capable of. Ok, that's a tall order, but still one of my most outlandish shenanigans to date. Dumb courage is part of my makeup I suppose. When I was four years old, I went to join my school's pee wee cheerleading squad that had already been chosen a month before. I simply told my parents to pick me up late from school, went to the team practice, and I pitched a screaming fit until they accepted me. I couldn't keep a beat to save my life. Same went for ballet, what a disaster I was..terrible. The class was less than a week away from a recital they had been practicing over two months for, when Deana "dumbass" Williams decided she deserved a spot on the stage. By God I got my way again, didn't catch a single step, and would NOT leave the stage once the performance had ended. My stage! Those examples would set the tone for my entire life, and once again...oh no she didn't.
It was one helluva ride cheering for the Atlanta Falcons, and even a wilder (yet bumpier) journey to actually make the squad. Took me five years to make it, and I got five years out of it. However, I didn't leave on my own terms..so in my head, I had unfinished business. No one is really sure what actually went down last April when my name wasn't called out for the 2009 team. Disclaimer, I am not a very strong dancer..so I made up for it by doing every single charity appearance I could get my hands on. In the years I was with the team, I did a total of almost 500 charity promos and won the "Community Service" award four times. I have jumped out of a cardboard box at a game, driven for free to Jasper GA and such to talk to kids about broccoli and push-ups on numerous occasions and even had a cake slammed in my face in the end zone...and loved every minute of it. So, when I was given the stock answer last year that "my dance scores simply were not "good enough" for the team this season..(after being "good enough" the previous four years) I smelled a fish (Shew!). To say I was pissed would be an understatement, a good way to describe it would be a boyfriend of five years dumping you out of nowhere and leaving you with a bullshit excuse. Some of the good-hearted gals on the team even said how they wished I would re-audition because it really may have been the truth.. that I just had a bad audition last year. I thought about it long and hard, and came to realize that no matter the outcome, I win. I either get a last season on the squad and a proper retirement, or I get answers. Sure, folks would think I was out of my mind..but anyone that actually knows me would get the bigger picture. My gut knew I had been cut before I even walked through that front door Sunday morning, but I did it. I needed to do it to know for a fact that the decision to get rid of me was not based on talent. This year was the perfect storm for me to do this experiment..the team added 8 new spots (in addition to the 10 non-returning member openings) and these 8 ladies would not even have to dance, they will be "Ambassadors" and do promos..so while you may be able to convince me that my kicks are not high enough and my double turn isn't solid enough for the field, there's zero chance you could convince me after winning appearance awards, that I wasn't "good enough" for an appearance team without it being blatantly obvious that there was more to the story. I mustered it all up and walked into prelims last week and knocked the b'Jesus out of that routine..it felt good, even though I knew it was all in vain. Even in my finalist interview with the directors (who I love and adore BTW), it was very obvious this`was going nowhere. Didn't matter, I knew what I was doing..I wanted answers. And on this past Thurs night, I got them. Of course I was cut, and while the new team looks great (honestly the most attractive group they've had in years), it was still very obvious that last years reason for firing me, carried over to this year. However, I couldn't be happier with my decision to go for it, I can now sleep at night knowing for a fact, that it wasn't that I wasn't "good enough," it was that someone had it out for me. And I realize every girl's situation is different, and I'm positive my "colorful" personality probably had something to do with it (I mean well, but I'm not perfect..and this mouth has been known to offend), but for ladies who have been on the team for several years and been cut and given a grey excuse..wondering if it's the truth and not having the capacity to make an ass out of themselves and challenge the system..crazy ass Nikky Williams went back, and was still cut. While I'll always wish someone would have had the respect to be honest with me, I know that's not always possible. And as wonky as it sounds, I am completely at peace with the whole situation, which is a relaxing change from the bitter and confused funk I had been in the past year. I like to lay it to rest now with- my big personality got me on the team, and that same personality got me kicked off. On an even brighter note- Good luck to the new squad, you all look amazing and are going to have the time of your lives..and my unsolicited advice is as follows: Do not try to do every single appearance to overcompensate for your shortcomings (when you are everywhere, you are around everyone, and the cardinal rule is that everyone will not like you...sorry sugar), and you ARE "good enough"..plain and simple. As for me, there's always next year! (jokes;)
"Courage, sacrifice, determination, commitment, toughness, heart, talent, guts. That's what little girls are made of; the hell with sugar and spice." - Unknown
**Photo credit shout out high-fives go to Tom Johnson (TJ-aka Falcons Cheerleader photoKING) and Jon Stennis (aka Stennis, Jon)**
